You have to get used to square one. When you are recovering from anything, square one sounds like the worst possible option. When you are learning something new, square one sounds so tedious and you just want to jump to square 53 already, but life doesn’t work that way and love doesn’t work that way and learning doesn’t work that way. And I know most of us wished it did, but because it doesn’t, we have to get used to square one.
Make a home out of square one. Decorate it with recovery, and paint it with patience. When you realize you have to take a few steps back, to understand someone or something, just go back to this home you’ve made in square one.
Become so familiar with the different rooms, that when you go, you know exactly which one you need to sit in - understanding, trust, love, hope, and knowledge. But there is one extra room, every house on square one has it - the fear room. Paint it the brightest yellow you know, and vacuum the dust bunnies, and scrape off the popcorn ceiling. Open up the windows, and let the air flow in. Don’t close and lock the door. Drown fear in the bathtub, instead of being afraid of it.
Become so familiar with square one, that when you have to go back - whether you were in square two or eighty-three - that when you open up the front door, you find yourself kissing the ground and dancing with joy. Let square one be a safe place for you, and not just an awkward, shameful walk home.
When all you know has been burned to the ground and your home on square 71 is in ashes, don’t be afraid to sprint to square one and crash into the couch that holds so many dried up tears.
Let square one be a home - beginnings don’t have to be hard - and the start of something doesn’t have to be scary - square one has a welcome mat and the key has always been in your pocket.
When you hit the negatives - that home you built, is still right there.
Let yourself sit there for however long you need until things are okay again.
Then say “see you soon, old friend”
Become comfortable with square one.
Yo you too brooo